^{A's to your Q's}

Following your impulse simply means allowing your body to do what it authentically wants to do, and that word, authentically, is the really important one when it comes to understanding distinctions.

For example, we have a bodily impulse to drink water, and following that is super important. Or we may have an impulse to eat all the cookies in the cookie jar, and that is probably not something we want to follow, because it is not authentic.

What I mean by this is when we’ve been through trauma we may have many impulses that are driven by unresolved suffering which are NOT what our body actually wants, instead these cravings are something our psyche is using to manage/suppress the bodily sensations/experience.

And that’s okay. You can’t chuck those out the window right away because those are part of how we deal. Those coping mechanisms have helped us to survive. But part of healing and evolving means learning to listen to and follow those authentic bodily impulses that may be suppressed.

Allowing ourselves to cry can definitely be a powerful way to follow our impulse. On the other hand, if we cry all the time as part of a downward spiral of despair that is very familiar, then it’s probably more of a coping mechanism, not a healthy impulse. Likewise, allowing our anger to express in a healthy way when it has historically been suppressed is a great way to follow our impulse, but lashing out in rage at others or at ourselves is more of a response driven by the unresolved trauma.

So when it comes to following our impulses, we need to discern if it’s a familiar way we use to cope with something, or if it’s more of an organic bodily impulse that will be good for us. It may take some practice to notice the difference, but you’ll get there, just keep practicing!

Following our impulses can be as simple as peeing when we need to pee, passing gas when we need to pass gas, and allowing our other biological needs to be honoured. It can be as refined as following your impulses through a department store to the exact shirt you were looking for, or by listening when your body says NOT to go down that particular street.

The body knows a lot.

The fact we live and work around others sometimes may make following our impulses feel problematic. How to authentically express our anger and frustration at a co-worker, when standing up, snarling, and wringing the heck out of your sweater generally isn’t deemed appropriate workplace behaviour. How to allow ourselves to burp or pass the stinkier kind of gas when we are in a crowded place and fear judgment. Again, there is room for discernment here – is anybody really going to be harmed by you passing gas? Probably not. Will you get fired for snarling and growling on the job? Quite possibly.

If we are talking about a basic biological impulse like needing to go to the bathroom, then that is something you want to honour as soon as possible. If you are in the middle of something that makes this impractical or impossible, then simply acknowledge your system (say internally’ “I hear you! we’ll head to bathroom as soon as we can”) and then get to the facilities needed as soon as you reasonably can.

Also, the bathroom is your friend for other reasons. Most public environments have private bathrooms (even in malls there is usually the ‘family’ bathroom which you can slip into), or at least a private stall. So this is one solution. Become aware of what you are experiencing and what it feels like you need to do, then take a little trip to the WC for privacy.

Also, it may be that you can refine your impulse. In the example of anger, maybe you can still allow yourself to speak your truth or establish a boundary, and then do the snarling and growling later. And speaking of later, if there really is no safe place to follow your impulses that are arising, you can ask them to please wait until you get home, and promise your body that you will allow it to do what it needs to do then. Just make sure that you then actually do that!

When it comes to following one’s impulses around sexuality, I would say if you are by yourself, then still practice discernment, to try and discover if this a healthy impulse or a behaviour that is helping you cope with suffering, and allow yourself to explore. If you are talking about sexual impulses that involve another, then taking the time to discern is even more important, and so is communication.

Not being allowed by others, or not allowing ourselves, to follow our impulses can definitely be a major cause of unresolved freeze in the system. And then, not being able to hear or follow our impulses can also be an expression of that same shutdown.

If we are living with a lot of shutdown and our impulse is to sleep all the time and isolate ourselves, then these are most likely not completely authentic impulses, but are instead ways we have found to stay safe and manage our trauma (though this may also be intertwined with one’s authentic nature if they are more introverted). We don’t want to just ignore these by overriding our fear and forcing ourselves to be social or more active, but we DO need to push ourselves out of our comfort zone a bit, and this is well supported by doing good trauma work, both in this program, and also maybe with some one-on-one work. Having a safe, therapeutic alliance can be a good way to start pushing at our edges in a context of safety and attunement.